let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
