If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
