Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
