I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
