I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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