your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
