Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
