i just had sex bonerless
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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