did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
