My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
