Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We left the knife in your bed.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
