just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
