I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
