I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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