mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
