So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
