I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
