Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
