it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
