but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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