i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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