Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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