Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
