I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
