my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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