dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
