i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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