i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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