Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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