They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
