We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
