What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
