I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
