Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
as a side note pls kill me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
