Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
