Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
