i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
