Your face is a jimmy john
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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