i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
