Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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