I just pynch a tree in the face
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
