You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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