You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
