3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
