i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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