worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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