At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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