is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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