I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
