So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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