john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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